run away
by zeppelins ghost
Summary: she wants to run away, she wants him to make her stay. "i think i would still love you if you put a dagger through my heart." seddie. oneshot.


**so this is actually not very good. but i really needed to write something and this came out. **

**don't blame me if you hate it.**

**disclaimer: i do not own iCarly and do not claim to. that's about it.**

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Sam thinks about running away, but never goes very far.

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It's hard to see over the flashing lights and the bass beating so hard that the air itself seems to pulse. Sam starts to like the way it makes her feel numb. When she has nowhere else to go, she runs to this place and feels reassured that everyone here feels a little lost.

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Freddie is seventeen when Sam calls him at three in the morning, asking if he has a key to the loft. Disgruntled, tired, and slightly irritated, he meets Sam in the hallway with his spare key.

He isn't sure in the dim lighting, but he thinks he sees a bruise on her arm that hadn't been there at school, for a brief moment, he wants to ask her if she's okay. And then he remembers that he's Freddie and she's Sam, and Sam hates when Freddie asks her too many questions. She's still standing close to him when he unlocks the door, and there's a look in her eyes that he can't place.

"Sorry I woke you up," she says. He shrugs and replies that it's really no big deal (even though he has the ACT in the morning, but he doesn't mention that to her).

That's the second time that Sam kisses him, and he isn't sure if it really happens because when his eyes open, the door is latching quietly behind her (but the ghost of a kiss buzzes on his lips and he doesn't think a dream could make him feel this way).

In all honesty, Freddie is pretty sure Sam doesn't remember that night.

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Sam and Freddie both like to act like they don't care, but sometimes they catch each other staring at one another like they do.

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Freddie is nearing eighteen when he has started to get used to Sam's middle of the night calls. Sometimes, he tries to get her to talk about what she's doing, feeling, thinking. But those are the times that she doesn't kiss him, and he likes it when she kisses him (although she always tastes like other guys and her breath always smells like vodka).

Freddie takes what he can get.

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As much as she wants to run away, she also wants him to make her stay.

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A few hours after winter break has officially begun, his phone rings, and in the darkness he looks for his phone, knowing it's her. She sounds different.

"Freddie, do you love me?" Sam sighs in to the phone and Freddie rolls over on the floor and stands up.

"Sam, where are you?" he finds himself in the hallway, listening to the sound of Sam's hitched breathing as she tells him the name of whatever lowlife club she has found herself in. "Sam don't move, I'll be right there." He never answers her question.

When he picks her up, she looks at him with a drunken smile, and he feels more sad than anything. He notices the hickey on her neck and the disarray of hair on her head and he tries to forget that she only kisses him when she's lonely.

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Sam starts thinking about running away less. When she's alone at night, she wonders if she could ever run away without him.

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Freddie worries when she doesn't call. It's early in the morning and he's still awake, and he wonders what she's doing and who she's with. He picks up his phone and stares at it and decides that if she needs him, she'll call.

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She has a fight with her mom and she runs out into the rain and doesn't care where she ends up.

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It's still early in the evening and his phone rings and she's on the phone crying.

Tonight, they sit in the hallway with his arm around her shoulder, and she forgets about running away.

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A week later she's sitting on the fire escape and she doesn't even have to call for him to find her.

It's different because she doesn't have a hickey, and her makeup isn't smudged, and her curls are still perfect ringlets around her face.

She's staring up at the clouds and a smile plays on her lips when he sits next to her. She keeps staring up at the sky as if her gaze itself could part the clouds and bring out the stars. His fingers find hers and he calls it a victory, because even though their hands are just touching, she doesn't pull away.

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She calls him in the middle of the night and he grabs his key on instinct, but she doesn't ask for it.

"Hey Freddie, I was just thinking… you never answered my question." She sounds tired like she hasn't gone to sleep, and Freddie remembers that it's the middle of the week.

"Where are you?"

Sam sighs and the phone crackles just a little bit, but he doesn't hear anything in the background.

"I'm at home, and I'm just thinking, and I realized that you never answered my question." She says. He lies back down in his bed and runs a hand through his hair.

"What question is that, Sam?" he replies. She pauses for a little bit and then says it quietly.

"Do you love me?"

He's staring at the ceiling and he's as still as a rock and eventually he sighs.

"Sam, I think I would still love you if you put a dagger through my heart."

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Freddie gets used to different kinds of calls. Sometimes she just rants about things, and sometimes she talks about her dreams, and occasionally she'll ask why he loves her.

He never asks if she loves him, and she's glad that he doesn't.

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On his eighteenth birthday, she finds him on the fire escape and sits down next to him, and this time she holds his hand. He's talking about how he doesn't feel different and how he thought he'd somehow feel older. She's just staring at him and he stops thinking for a moment.

And then Freddie kisses Sam, not the other way around. And she doesn't turn away, and she doesn't taste like other guys, and her breath doesn't smell like vodka. His hands are in her hair and he whispers that he loves her when their lips part.

This time she says it back.

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Sam doesn't feel like running away at all.

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**R&amp;R would be lovely :)**


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